Discovering Yourself

When you were young, were you only attracted to the opposite sex? Or if you call yourself gay, were you only attracted to people of the same sex? (I don't care for labels, but it's the world we live in. Sorry if I sound coarse.) When I was young, I remember having crushes on boys, and becoming friends with girls. Nothing was unusual until I was around nine years old. At that age, my best friend, a girl, and I had dug around in my mom's undergarment drawer and found one of her corsets. We took turns putting it on ourselves, and having the other undo the eye-hooks, one at a time, sensually. (I put it down to too much exposure to her mom's "romance" novels, which we used to flip through for words like "breasts," "heaving," or "erect member.") We played pretend that one of us was a boy when we did this. I remember feeling especially naughty and also kind of aroused, inasmuch as you can be at nine.


I'm not sure how much that colored how I viewed my sexuality. I think that it's more telling that when another friend of mine and I discovered her father's stash of Penthouse magazines, that I was very fascinated with what I saw in their pages... images of women with other women, in very sensual settings. I returned to those images as often as I could! I was about 10 or 11 then.


I was still always crushing on boys, though. I don't even remember having crushes on any girls until much later. My early years were more about viewing other girls as either friends or competition. I wanted the attention of the boy that I was interested in, and I talked to my closest girlfriends about him. That's how it was. 

There are people that say they are "pan-sexual" and this is new to me. I'm not sure where I fit in... I don't like labels, as I've said. I feel that they're just ways people can put you into ordered boxes and I don't like being boxed. I prefer to be who I am and let others be who they are, and as long as everyone is happy with that, then that's okay.


Was your sexuality informed by your youthful experiences? Were you just always the same? I'm curious about this. Do you recall any defining moments in your youth? I STILL want to wear a corset and have another woman release me from it....


I still have yet to be with a woman. I've only had men as sex partners. I am longing for this to happen... but don't want to do anything that will not feel natural and organic. It just has to happen on its own, I think. I'm open to the experience.