Honestly, with all the people on this planet, why do I only seem to find sexy, pretty women online, but not in real life?
Earlier this year, I was at this bar in town, and a girl came up to me, grabbed me by the hand, and pulled me out to the dance floor. We danced together for a while. (She was cute, too!) After a while, my boyfriend came and asked if we could leave because he had some things to do, and we'd been out all day... but I wondered if I had stayed, would I maybe have gotten my first girl-kiss? I really want to kiss a girl. Like now. It would probably be nice because I wouldn't have to worry about getting beard-burn, like from my boyfriend's five o'clock shadow!
I try not to feel too left behind the times. I never "experimented" in college. Well, not with girls, I mean. I had different experiments going on during college, ha ha. Mostly of the chemical and plant variety.
I had a chance, though. There was this time when my housemate, S, climbed onto my bed and kissed me on my mouth, but I figured it was just a friend kiss. (No tongue.) I was too flabbergasted to even think of maybe kissing her back. When I think about her, I recall that she used to walk around half-naked after she showered. I didn't think anything of it, though. Should I have? She wore her towel only around her hips, leaving her breasts exposed. She frequently commented on wishing that she had my tits, which were slightly larger than her own. All these things should have alerted me, but they didn't. I was pretty young, and really naive. She also used to tell me how cute and dainty I was compared to her. She had large hands, and she used to put them up to mine and say, "I have man hands. Your hands disappear in mine!" I never really knew what to say to her when she made these little comparisons. We were friends, you know? We had fun together, driving around town, singing out loud, making dinner for each other, going out with boys then dishing on our dates later with a glass of wine and a fat joint. Maybe that was my one shot at seeing what it would be like with a girl? I don't know. I'd hate to think that I'm never going to have my first experience....
Did I wait too long? {Sigh...}
Don't get me wrong, though. I think boys are adorable. A cute guy will turn my head in a heartbeat. There's just nothing new there. My burning desire is to play around with a girl, who's soft, like me. So many of my friends have had their girl-girl experiences. They had them, they maybe enjoyed them, but then they were done. I was pretty chicken-shit when it came to approaching women. I figured that it was partly because I'm only attracted to femme girls. But how do you know if a femme girl is into girls? She may only be into guys, and then you'd feel like an asshole. {Sigh...}
Okay, well, I'm not giving up. I just need to focus, that's all. If anyone has any bright ideas, speak up, okay? Don't leave me hangin'.
Earlier this year, I was at this bar in town, and a girl came up to me, grabbed me by the hand, and pulled me out to the dance floor. We danced together for a while. (She was cute, too!) After a while, my boyfriend came and asked if we could leave because he had some things to do, and we'd been out all day... but I wondered if I had stayed, would I maybe have gotten my first girl-kiss? I really want to kiss a girl. Like now. It would probably be nice because I wouldn't have to worry about getting beard-burn, like from my boyfriend's five o'clock shadow!
I try not to feel too left behind the times. I never "experimented" in college. Well, not with girls, I mean. I had different experiments going on during college, ha ha. Mostly of the chemical and plant variety.
I had a chance, though. There was this time when my housemate, S, climbed onto my bed and kissed me on my mouth, but I figured it was just a friend kiss. (No tongue.) I was too flabbergasted to even think of maybe kissing her back. When I think about her, I recall that she used to walk around half-naked after she showered. I didn't think anything of it, though. Should I have? She wore her towel only around her hips, leaving her breasts exposed. She frequently commented on wishing that she had my tits, which were slightly larger than her own. All these things should have alerted me, but they didn't. I was pretty young, and really naive. She also used to tell me how cute and dainty I was compared to her. She had large hands, and she used to put them up to mine and say, "I have man hands. Your hands disappear in mine!" I never really knew what to say to her when she made these little comparisons. We were friends, you know? We had fun together, driving around town, singing out loud, making dinner for each other, going out with boys then dishing on our dates later with a glass of wine and a fat joint. Maybe that was my one shot at seeing what it would be like with a girl? I don't know. I'd hate to think that I'm never going to have my first experience....
Did I wait too long? {Sigh...}
Don't get me wrong, though. I think boys are adorable. A cute guy will turn my head in a heartbeat. There's just nothing new there. My burning desire is to play around with a girl, who's soft, like me. So many of my friends have had their girl-girl experiences. They had them, they maybe enjoyed them, but then they were done. I was pretty chicken-shit when it came to approaching women. I figured that it was partly because I'm only attracted to femme girls. But how do you know if a femme girl is into girls? She may only be into guys, and then you'd feel like an asshole. {Sigh...}
Okay, well, I'm not giving up. I just need to focus, that's all. If anyone has any bright ideas, speak up, okay? Don't leave me hangin'.
2 comments:
Yay ! You enabled comments.
And I do love to comment. As to the post, I think sometimes in order to find something you need to stop actively looking and just be open to it.
You haven't missed your chance, you just haven't had the right opportunity at the right time. Had you been open to this idea in college then no doubt it would've happened with your friend.
But then you would've been in the realms of sex with a friend, and my experience of that was always awkwardness afterwards - although they were male.
There's a post I ought to write lol.
Hi Cowgirl, I thought I'd had the comments enabled, but I guess I didn't. I double-checked them later, and fixed the issue.
So glad to see you here! xox
Post a Comment